Of shards and sheep

...I know - it may come as a shock. But thankfully, that's not the reason for this post.

Recently, said friend made the absolutely heartbreaking decision to leave a job he truly loved, and at which I can say with all honesty, he was amazing at doing. His reasons for leaving amount to little less than workplace bullying and utterly toxic management.

Now, any employer will likely have a policy these days that says you can't say anything detrimental about said employer. And that bringing them in to disrepute is a no no. That's...fair enough. But now imagine that your employer tells you that you are not allowed opinions, that you are not allowed to spend time with certain people or groups, that you absolutely must turn your eyes away rather than call out shitty behaviour... Ridiculous, right? Then bring in a late diagnosis of ADHD, which reframes your perception of self and finally starts to loosen the shackles of self-hatred...Just for colleagues to get upset that they can no longer control you the way they once did, leading to the employer attempting to tighten the shackles right back up.

So...he resigned. Walked away from something he had built through his sheer optimism, curiosity, and love of sharing.

And there are people out there, who know nothing of him, or what happened to him, trying to make out that it's an over reaction. People saying, with their full chest, that they hate that he is warm, caring, shows empathy, and embraces inclusion.

Imagine being so full of your own bullshit, that you see someone - who would even defend YOU - as a threat to be eliminated, even after they have already walked away from anything you might have encountered anyway. The mental gymnastics these people have to go through is...weirdly impressive. I sit here and read some of it and have to remind myself not to respond. For a start, I dont want to draw attention to their antics because I KNOW that my friend will already have seen a lot of it and been upset by the casual cruelty and misrepresentation. If I go chucking my tuppence worth of "fuck yous" to the bullies, he'll see that and then feel bad about any backlash I get from the keyboard warriors out fo virtual blood. But what I want to do...REALLY WANT to do, is grab one or two of the posters who've cited one particular opinion they take umbrage with and ask them
.. "And how, exactly, has this opinion hurt you or anyone else?". Because yes, some opinions are harmful and hurtful. Others are not. Even if later those opinions turn out to be "wrong" in some way, they hurt precisely nobody. Because they dont call for the "othering" of a minority, for example. They don't advance one group at the expense of another. If you can be so nasty about opinions like that? You're a bit of a failure as a human being. He's nicer than me though and would likely tell me off for thinking that way.

Thing is, he doesn't NEED defending. The indefensible is actually the total lack of compassion or conscience exhibited by those who caused his decision,or by those crowing over it.

Love you matey. You're a much better person than me, and here's to the next chapter, free of the dead weight.

To counterbalance my previous ARGH.

Car was fine. RAC fella had just flattened the battery and flooded the entire system with fuel. And broken the cover for the towing bolt. But hey. Old plastic I guess.

Anyway, nice man at garage charged battery then hooned it round the lanes for a day or two and now the car is fine. And didnt charge me through the nose for it.

So. Yay!

There's a lot of people genuinely frothing at the mouth about all sorts of things - and most of them, I'm fairly sure, are entirely imaginary.

I watched one video of a person calmly stating that gun control was a valid suggestion on how to reduce the frequency and impact of mass shootings in the USA.

This to me sounded perfectly reasonable. It was someone making the point that controls would not necessarily mean "not letting anyone have a gun ever". They were suggesting things like... Checking that the person seeking to own the gun was properly trained in weapons handling. That they had a safe and secure storage solution for their firearm(s). That they were not known to be involved in criminal activities. That they would understand how to clean and service their firearm(s) to prevent accidents due to poor maintenance etc.

I see absolutely nothing in there that says "we're taking all your firearms away". Its just saying "Be responsible for a lethal weapon". A question WAS raised on why on earth any civilian would "need" military grade weaponry, but that's a separate thing.

Instead of bothering to listen to the suggestions, the respondent (who is apparently vicar-equivalent!) immediately accused the person making those suggestions of "celebrating" the recent shooting of that fellow in Utah.

Excuse me? Where did THAT come from? No one mentioned any one specific incident. In fact, the initial suggestions were in relation to the frighteningly regular mass shootings they seem to indulge in across the pond. But this chap just started shouting and waving his arms about and doing the full-on "I denounce thee" nonsense that you would see in the comedy stereotypical American church set up. Properly frothing, properly wide boggle eyes, pointing, and generally carrying on.

And I was flummoxed. I don't actually know if the guy is hearing imaginary voices saying things he doesn't like and had decided to shout at them, or if he just knew he was lying and was trying to shout until the other person gave up and let him feel like he'd won some kind of point.

It makes me sad to see someone who is meant to be a community leader being either deranged, or simply a bully and a liar. Neither one of those options is going to be healthy for that community.

But then we hear those charming individuals on our various radio phone-ins and the like, complaining about "them immigrunts innit". Parroting back absolute nonsense like 5 star hotel stays, free iPads, free Xboxes and similar. It's all completely untrue, but they've been told it's the case by the likes of Farage and pals and so they blindly believe it.

I don't think they are necessarily evil. I do think they are possibly a bit simple, and don't have the capacity for rational thought. But not evil.

The ones who wind them up though? The ones who have vast sums of money at their fingertips and the ability to get their insidious, divisive, and simply untrue rhetoric out there? Yes. They are evil, I believe. They arrived on the planet twisted and broken somehow. They make up nonsense stories, then sit back and wait for the people they have duped to do their dirty work.

Thing is, I don't think any of us gain from shouting at the duped. If anything, they need a bit of care and understanding, too. For the most part, we're going to be looking at people who have been isolated and lied to. People who have maybe struggled because of financial woes, mental health issues, physical health problems which scuppered the dreams they had for themselves. People who just didn't get the opportunities they should have because of...name your poison. Could have been local government cuts which meant the training opportunities they wanted weren't available. The schools they attended couldn't afford the number of staff required to look after the volume of students. That so many conditions and health issues that are at least recognised now never were back in "their" day. And so they hear about someone else getting what they think they should have been given, and they explode with righteous indignation. Which is all the more terrible when it's all lies.

Taking these disenfranchised people and riling them up to cause trouble is a repugnant tactic. And often employed by those who've never actually struggled with anything. Look at the usual suspects in this - they are all the same. I'd put money on all of them being utterly revolting school bullies and now it's only the degree of their financial privilege that separates them.

I dont know what we're meant to do. We could TRY telling them the truth, but it's hard to believe the second story you've been told, particularly when you've invested so much time and energy in the first one (and hatred IS exhausting). The shame of having been tricked might simply be too painful to admit.

But I do think that at least here in the UK we should have our Parliament come together and state the truth of things. And members who lie aboit basic facts should be held accountable for their lies. Can you imagine how much better things could be, practically overnight, if every MP irrespective of rosette colour chose to make public the plain facts of the matters that divide this country - not the interpretations? If they all, as one body, sought to work for the good of the country as a whole, rather than slagging each other off all the time?

Imagine that.

Well, it's been quite the few weeks, hasn't it? A lot going on in the world, a significant amount of it really quite awful.

I've been, as usual, doing a lot of thinking about events. And feeling really quite sad about humanity in general.

The fact is, just because I disagree with someone doesn't automatically make me right and them wrong. Obviously, I am going to think I'm right or I wouldnt hold that opinion. Note: I am saying opinion, meaning belief, idea, my own reasoning. Clearly, my opinion cannot influence the established facts of something. For example, if I said I didnt "believe" oxygen was necessary to sustain human life, I'd be very wrong. Monumentally so. I am talking more about the often subjective reasoning in which we all engage.

Some people hate other people. Some people love other people. Some people hate that people love other people. Some people love that people hate other people. Frankly, it's all a bit odd.

I am apparently a left wing extremist. I mean, it comes as news to me too. But this is because I think things like...

Education is important and should be offered and encouraged to all, irrespective of financial status.

Healthcare is vital - both preventative and reactive. And that's for acute or chronic conditions.

I believe it is my duty to pay my taxes, to ensure that public services are maintained for the good of all - and I believe that duty falls to us all.

I believe that people make mistakes. They perhaps fall in to bad habits or they encounter less than ideal situations and may need a hand getting out of them. And help should be there, to a reasonable degree.

I believe that if you break the law, then there are consequences. I ALSO believe that there can be times when the law needs closer scrutiny because it is flawed. And that is how things are changed.

I do NOT believe that violence should ever be the first resort. That said, I am not a pacifist either. If my family or I were directly threatened, and other avenues were exhausted or closed, then yes. I believe that going down fighting would be the correct response.

I do not however believe that it is right or proper to gun someone down because of their beliefs, even if their stated beliefs did not mesh with mine - to any degree.

Because for every person out there saying what sounds to me like terrible things, there are also people out there saying things with which I agree. And I don't want to see either one being killed for it.

Those who listen to the side of an argument with which I agree are obviously, to my eyes, going to look like the "good guys". Those who listen to the alternative will be the "bad guys". The thing is, we as individuals have the choice on who we are going to listen to. And some people are wired in a way that will tend towards what I would consider "right-thinking" and others to what I would consider "broken". The spokespeople for either side of any aisle you care to walk down are not going to prevent those who flock to them from having their own beliefs and ways of behaving. These people are a focal point, a screen displaying those beliefs. Not the initial cause.

Am I telling anyone they cannot have their opinions or beliefs? Nope. There are a few I wish didn't exist, but I am sure there are some who don't see what I believe as being reasonable either.

This isn't about appeasement. It's not about being an apologist. It's just trying to understand why we humans are so awful to each other and why some always seek to escalate it. I still have no answers.

There was an initial chat interview today that happened. It was with someone who genuinely actually cares about the service element of what we do.

It was lovely.

That is all.

...you know...that's not all that easy to answer. I'm not sure I ever have managed to answer that one satisfactorily. Not sure I ever will, either.

In fact, I am not even sure I understand the question.

I am...the sum of my experiences?

I am the offspring of my parents?

I am...a right royal pain in the backside for a lot of people, no doubt.

Am I supposed to say my age and what I do for a job?

Does anyone care which current gender norms I fit into?

Am I meant to proclaim any political, religious, or sporting team affiliations?

I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. It's a fairly common "icebreaker" one in job interviews, and more and more I see people telling me that to sell my glass, I need to "tell people your story".

Uhm.

I'm really not so sure about that.

I've found that being blisteringly honest about things is NOT what people want - lesson learnt after one interview years ago, when asked about a four month gap in my CV. My initial reply of "I realised I needed a bit of a break to get myself back on track" was deemed insufficient, but then it was clearly too much when "had a bit of a breakdown after my niece and nephew were murdered by their dad" kinda derailed the entire interview.

And the sad truth is, a lot of who I am is still tied to that horrible time. I used to be fearless - and I mean that. I would take off and try new things, meet people, put myself so far out of any comfort zone I nearly circled all the way back round. After? I played it so safe as to lock myself in a cage and never expect anything more than the bare minimum of anyone or anything.

But one thing that has stayed consistent throughout, is that I loathe bullies. And I find the wilfully ignorant utterly infuriating. I am one of those odd creatures who believes that tolerance is a wonderful thing, but I also end up being a hypocrite in some ways because I *won't* tolerate hateful, deceitful individuals, and I will cheerfully tell those I believe are being intentionally blind to the toxic behaviour of those they admire that they are just as shitty as their hero.

So I guess I'm a bunch of contradictions walking around, trying to find decent people to spend time with, while cheerfully suggesting to shitty people that they go find a nice short pier to take a long walk all the way off of. Will that do?

That's not going to get me through an interview, or sell my glass, is it?

...when our current crop of "world leaders" vary between spineless wastes of space and pompous pustules of self important arseholery.

See also - pathetic snivelling scumbags vs mass murdering fuckheads.

The most part of people in the countries in question are perfectly decent, normal people. It's like we distill all the crazy, the hate, the general fuckwittery into a single person and then for absolutely inexplicable reasons, allow THEM to be in charge.

And it doesn't help that of course, that they then represent that entire country to the rest of the world. Because when your leader(s) are cruel, corrupt, and murderous? That's how you all get lumped together.

We dont help ourselves, of course. Social media in particular has driven the knee-jerk responsiveness of our species to dizzying new heights of absurdity. Where once, you might have used a word entirely unaware of its connotations in some areas that to YOU, the individual, may be utterly obscure. It's a big planet. It IS possible to miss the nuance a word has in a three-mile square area in a country you've never been to.

Let me give an example.

"Cakey!"

WTF is that meant to mean? Caked on? Turned to a cake-like consistency? No.

It meant (very loosely) that someone was considered a bit of a goody two shoes, and bit too "perfect little student", a bit "naive little girl" and a bit "annoyingly pathetic and weak". And to whom did it mean that? Well, I can think of about half a dozen girls at my school who started throwing it around as an "insult". But i never once heard it outside of my school and even then, only ever within my own year group. Which had 80 people in it, split into two forms. And it was girls in the other form who started it and used it. Quite often about a particular girl in my form.

Now, if I saw/heard someone use the word cakey, would I immediately jump to the conclusion it was an insult aimed at me? Well, contextually, if it was Louise, Nicola, Caroline, or Rachael, yes, I'd probably assume it was. Anyone else? No. I wouldn't. If it WAS definitely aimed at me,and it wasn't one of the aforementioned? I'd have to ask what it was meant to mean.

Contrast this with social media responses.

Person A

Person B "How very dare you use THAT disgusting term for ** which you definitely would have known about because *I* know it and you are evil!!!111eleventyone11!"

Person A "I was talking about potting out my begonias, what are you on about?"

Person B "How dare you disrespect my people like that. Educate yourself! Do better!!"

Person B then instigates a massive pile on to Person A who has absolutely no clue that the word they have always known to be related to potting out plants after the last frost, has been picked up by a group of individuals 5000 miles away in their book club as an acronym for some pretty appalling abuses suffered in the mid 17th century by fishermen in the Azores. Or something equally baffling to Person A.

We are so quick to assume ill intent by others because Internet trolling has trained us to be that way, and it feeds this destructive, feral streak inside us that makes us go to war with each other.

Even now, I find myself being VERY careful not to say what I am actually thinking, since my mental shorthand is not immediately available to anyone not inside my own head. If I were to say "ugh, men!" for example, I would of course in my own head, know exactly who I meant. I'd know the character types I was referencing, and I would be ringfencing the people like my dad, uncle Bob, Grampa Johnny, and the many thoroughly decent men of my acquaintance. But you wouldn't know that unless you asked. You might assume I meant every single last one on the planet, and his little dog, too. And this is where it falls apart. Those assumptions are what pits countries against each other. That pushes ideologies and religions into conflict. The refusal to admit we ALL use mental shorthand is going to kill us. And I am not sure that the planet will miss us.

...and I came out with these.

Quite like them, even if my hands hurt like hell after trying to clean and polish them!

...well, actually there's loads of things I do and some of them are quite annoying, even for me!

But on this occasion, I'm talking about my glass. Yes yes! That fing what I does when it's all about the shiny-stuff-making activities!

Well. Here's the thing. I just linked my website to this 'ere place, so I thought I'd best sort of...mention glass a bit more, maybe? I mean, it wong be the only thing I babble on about. I'm one of these new fangled human things with slightly more complexities and so on than your regular houseplant. Except possibly clematis. Those things are TOUCHY. Or they just don't like me. I mean, could be either. But I digress.


So yeah. I make shiny stuff. And yes, amazing as it is to me, my accountant, and probably my mother, I actually sell it sometimes, too! I do that over there on https://glassywitch.uk. And also at a couple of places, my absolute favourite being Maker's Barn at Petworth. Rosie is amazing.

So, with that in mind here's what I made on Sunday:



I get asked sometimes about my "handmade" claim. And...yes. I can understand why I do.

You see, those frames that I use come in cardboard boxes stamped with "Made in China " all over them. Because they are. So, no. I don't make the frames, I'm afraid. I'd LOVE to use the fellow down the road who does BRILLIANT framing - but then I'd have to pass on the costs and his work is GOOD, so it has a price commensurate with his skill. And I doubt anyone wants to be paying the extra 120 quid on top. I mean. *I* would, and indeed have had him reframe things because he's that good. But I recognise that it's not really something I should impose on other people.

And then there's those murrini (murrini, for the uninitiated, are coloured glass canes that get chopped up for use on things like this). So, the foxglove flowers, the poppies, ivy leaves, and the wheat ears are all murrini created by the endlessly fabulous Tabitha out in Croatia. So no, I didn't make those. I arranged them on the piece, but didn't make them.

The freeze and fuse. I made those. Well. Some of them. Most of the moulds though, I didn't make. And the moulds I DID make? I took impressions from small toys, brooches, pieces of jewellery, button, pin badges...so...DID I make those?

Oh,and no, I didn't make the lantern bodies, either. Most of them come from Ikea, or The Range. I think probably made in China too. I mean sure, we have a forge. But I'm not sure that anyone wants ot needs a lantern that weighs 48 kilos because it's been made of mild steel. Ahhh, the curse of the blacksmith. Able to make anything except a profit ;)

And then the glass. Nope. I didn't make that, either. Not the sheet glass, not the powdered glass, and not the frit (4.30pm the crushed glass which is more coarse than a powder). All made by a company called Bullseye. I didn't build the kiln, or make the kiln paper, or the kiln furniture. I didn't power the kiln - the solar panels (which I also didn’t make) did that.

Yet, I stand by my claim of handmade just the same. Because I have to have the idea and then put the pieces together in the hope of making that idea real. Then I have to decide on a firing schedule which will hopefully result in the outcome I want. And sometimes, it doesn't work out. Sometimes the annealing is wrong, and the piece suffers an unscheduled rapid dissembly. Or the soak time was too long and the temperature too high and it turns into a shapeless puddle. That's all on me and the choices I make when I am making a piece and programming the kiln to cook it.

But no. I don't make the frames, the lantern bodies or the sheet glass. But I hope you don't mind if I go on saying it's hand made all the same? ;)

...There's a chap I know called Robin Ince. He writes books. And does stand up. And is endlessly curious about the world about him. And is probably the kindest, most compassionate and thoughtful person I know. He's definitely a much better human than I am, and makes me a better one by association.

On this occasion, he mentioned his writing work for the Big Issue. It was a question someone had for him once about the content of his column about movies. Because Robin is not a critic. He's a cheerleader. He doesn't fill the column inches with reasons why this or that was shit. He writes about the movies he really loved, and why he thought they were fantastic.

His refusal to spend his time on the moaning and carry-on of complaining about something is surprising in a world where it does seem that complaining about something, or pointing out where it's sub-par is the norm. Both our printed media and content generated online is usually framed in dramatic, intentionally inciteful ways, hoping to get people to engage. And it seems we engage faster when riled. So that is played on.

I've never been of the opinion that any attention is good attention. I've known people who do. But it's not me. If I was about to jump up and down asking people to look at me (a vanishingly rare thing at any time), I would want it to be about something good. [It says a lot that the first thing that sprung to mind as an example was that I had found an intact icthyosaur skeleton while digging over the ground for spuds in the back garden. I mean. To me, that sounds amazing. Might not have the same impact on everyone else, I realise ;)] There are other people though, who seem to revel in saying or doing things they know most will find unconscionable. Because to those people, attention of any kind is something they crave. Possibly they have nothing positive to contribute, and they are just sickeningly lonely. For them, just having someone notice their existence gives validation? Who knows. Bit weird frankly, and not in a good way.

But yes. Robin did say that his reply to the question of why he only wrote about the things that he liked and wanted to share with people was met with another question - "but isn't that difficult?". And he confirmed that at first, it is. The human brain seems wired to shout loudest about things we don't like. But breaking that pattern gets easier the more we write about the things we like.

So, if you are fortunate enough to see Robin in any of his bookshop or library appearances, festivals, scientific and comedic carnivals of chaos, or even BBC recordings of the Inifinite Monkey Cage - here is someone to look up to. A good man, finding his way through life constantly learning, and sharing the good with anyone who wants to hear it.

I can't promise to live up to only writing about good things. It's something I realised I wanted to do in future, but I do often write things down as a way to alleviate the pressure of things I can't control, and really don't like. But I will at least try and remember to write the good stuff too. Like the daftness of my sheep and the joy of someone actually buying my glass because they wanted a piece of my art :)

Oh yes, and if you don't know about it already, might I recommend The Cosmic Shambles. Something of interest for enquiring minds of all flavours.
https://cosmicshambles.com/