Mental Health

Jun. 13th, 2026 09:49 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Yesterday was not a good mental health day.

Icky, in residence till Tuesday, has not said one word about Black Chicken's death. In fact, has barely said four words to me. It's very hard to share physical space in a house with someone who acts like you're invisible, even when said someone is a complete dick. I keep scampering off to the mirror to check: Do I exist? If I cast a reflection, I must exist, right?

Fortunately, I am spending today and tomorrow with People Who Love Me. And driving up to Ithaca some time this week to drop off Brian's enormous collection of camping gear with RTT.

###

Bad mental health for me always comes down to that small still voice within suddenly turning shrill and chanting, Failure, failure, failure! The small still voice may not be entirely wrong on that one: I have failed utterly in being happy, can't think of a single time in my life when I was simply, uncompromisingly happy.

That's on my upbringing.

But that is not what the small still voice is talking about.

No, the small still voice means I am low income, I have not published a novel (have published a lot of other stuff! I feel compelled to note here), have a broken dental veneer, am living in an awful place where I barely know a soul, and am generally not someone Elon Musk would want to impregnate.

It's a lot.

###

On the plus side:

Ten days or so of hot temperatures that kept me more or less housebound and immobile means my injured knee has all but recovered.

And I have finally found a book I enjoy: A.S. Byatt's The Children's Book, about an eccentric E. Nesbit-like writer of magic tales for children in the early 20th century and her Bloomsbury-like coterie.

I have never been a big Byatt fan. There is an icy feeling to her perfect prose that has always put me off. I much prefer the gurgly chick-lit effusions of her sister, Margaret Drabble. But I am enjoying this book.

###

Funny. Yesterday, I kept thinking I would feel so much better if there was even one person I could call up and say, "Black Chicken died, and my heart is broken," who would understand

And the only two people I could think of were Brian and (ulp) Ben. Who are both dead themselves.

Cute rabbit

Jun. 12th, 2026 10:26 pm
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[personal profile] katriona_s
Sometimes my rabbit Krurun becomes very cautious about human beings and do not want to get out of her cage. But even then she does not dislike to be stroked by my hand XD




She doesn’t get out of her cage but bends her head to be stroked :)

Umbrella

Jun. 12th, 2026 06:31 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Black Chicken is no more.

My Umbrella of Protection wasn't wide enough to keep her safe.

My Umbrella of Protection is barely wide enough to keep me and the kiskas safe these days. Tough times. Sigh.

I am sad but trying not to be sentimental about it. Nature red in tooth & claw, and all of that.

Still.

I dream of a universe where innocent creatures can frolic happily and carelessly. And maybe cynical creatures, too.

Crossposted from the blog...

Jun. 11th, 2026 01:35 pm
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[personal profile] chicating
https://bohemiancrip.blogspot.com/2026/06/didnt-quite-finish-turn-washingtons.html
I thought learning about General Arnold's disability was interesting.
Other than that, I got two rejection slips this month and haven't been sick to my stomach in a few days.
I haven't been sleeping well, though. Despite thinking that after every late night, the next day will get me back on-track again or something, it doesn't happen.
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[personal profile] serafaery
Needed to lock down my last couple entries because of too much detail about money/income related to the messed up taxes fiasco. I'm still feeling nauseated and unsettled about it but slightly less, it will diminish as I get used to the fact that this is just my new normal, now. I know they cut something like 81% of the staff at the IRS so they're basically purposefully messing up people's taxes and letting us drown in the fallout. My issue of payments from a secondary spouse not being applied to a joint return is known and common, the software is antiquated and can't resolve the two SSNs automatically, who knows if/when it will get fixed or what. But at least, it happens enough that they probably have a system in place for fixing it, once they get through the stacks of mistakes and eventually reach mine? Going to try not to pay it so much upset and attention, it's just really hard. We already bent over backwards and went so far out of our way to make sure we did everything right and this is clearly their mistake. So. Trying to relax about it.

It's a tough adjustment taking away Avalanche's free reign. She keeps going to the cat door and crying. I am wondering if I seal up the mystery hole in the bottom of the fence under the clematis and maybe somehow install a barrier so she can't climb up the tree, maybe that will solve the problem, or at least make it so I can let her out when I'm here at the house but not necessarily watching her.

I need to do some research on pet GPS devices, too. If she had something that actually worked and also alerted me immediately if she leaves, that would allow her more freedom also.

I am pretty sure when we lost her the other night she was just hiding under the neighbor's deck and not coming out. I shined my flashlight under there but it's a huge deck and I couldn't see all the way inside of it.

So I am playing with her and hyper focused on her in the mornings in the yard so she doesn't go anywhere, which takes away from all of my relaxation in the mornings, as it's about an hour of pure Avalanche supervision and play, but I want her to have some freedom and playtime so, I will get used to it. Just a tough adjustment.

It's fun to daydream about building some elaborate structure that she could run up like the tree but in the middle of the yard so she can't escape. But that's probably way overkill.

It's such a perfect day already. I need to get dressed and head to the dentist. Grateful I got in! Not looking forward to images as I just had that done, but will probably have to start over since this is a new doctor. sigh. At least it's close by.

Larry McMurtry at the Dollar Store

Jun. 10th, 2026 11:36 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera


Managed to cardboard and woodchip one little path.

Which I know doesn't sound very impressive.

But hey! It was 80° by 10am with a dew point of 70. Very humid. Very uncomfortable.

Doing any kind of garden work on days like this involves arriving there at 8am—which I gotta say, I do not like at all. I like to putter in the morning. Drink two cups of coffee. Catch up on emails and texts. Skim the news (uniformly awful). Read my pals' online journals—though it appears I'm one of only a few who writes with any degree of regularity anymore. Long-form writing really only appeals to Boomers and GenXers. I am the priestess of a dead religeon.

###

Work in Progress is progressing—but slowly.

Flavia is an architect, so I'm having to do deep dives into architect jargon.

In the chapter I'm writing now, Flavia does a project with the resident genius, starts sleeping with him, falls in love with him—he does not fall in love with her—reveals her dirty little secret to him (I'm rich!!!), gets used by him for her money, develops a cocaine habit.

None of this stuff happened to me, so writing it is... challenging.

Of course, all fiction writing is autobiographical to some degree—like method acting. The event you're describing in a fictional character's life may not have happened to you, but you draw on your own feelings to evoke the characters' emotional reactions. So, you know. It can get intense.

I have no idea if it's any good or not.

I started it; I'll finish it. That's all I know.

###

Rereading Tracy Dougherty's excellent biography of Larry McMurtry because I have run out of books! (I have also run out of streaming media to watch; absolutely nothing appeals.)

McMurtry is one of my favorite writers, and the fact that his ouevre contains so many out-and-out stinkers and clunkers is actually part of his appeal. The Last Picture Show is a perfect novel! So, how do you explain Cadillac Jack?

McMurtry lived a really extraordinary life. On his own terms (which could best be described as "episodic"). He made his own rules—up to the point where his own body felled him. In 1991, he had a heart attack and then quadruple-bypass surgery, and though he lived another 30 years, in a very real sense, his life ended in 1991.

###

One thing medical gatekeepers don't really tell you is that around 30% of all people who undergo bypass surgery experience significant personality changes.

Larry McMurtry was one of those people.

In his memoir, Walter Benjamin at the Dairy Queen, McMurtry wrote:

...The violently intrusive nature of that operation – of any operation, really – was bound to dislocate one for a bit, I thought. Car metaphors seem to apply. I had had some serious engine work done and then been jump-started back into drivability. If there was a little sputtering at first, well, that was only to be expected.

In the fourth month matters worsened – the sense of grief for the lost self was profound. I didn’t feel like my old self at all, and had no idea where the old self had gone. But I did know that it, he, me was gone, and that I missed him. I soon came to feel that my self had been left behind, across a border or a canyon. Where exactly was I? The only real sign of the old self was that I could still connect with my grandson, Curtis McMurtry. Otherwise, I felt spectral – the personality that had been mine for fifty-five years was simply no longer there – or if there, it was fragmented, it was dust particles swirling around, only occasionally and briefly cohering. I mourned its loss but soon concluded that gone is gone – I was never really going to recover that sense of wholeness, of the integrity of the self.

That being the case, I began to put a kind of alternative self together, and the alternative self soon acquired a few domestic skills, on the order of loading the dishwasher or taking out the trash. But I still couldn’t read. I was at the time owner of perhaps two hundred thousand books and yet I couldn’t read.

The problem, I eventually realized, was that reading is a form of looking outward, beyond the self, and that, for a long time, I couldn’t do – the protest from inside was too powerful. My inability to externalize seemed to be organ based, as if the organs to which violence had been done were protesting so much that I couldn’t attend to anything else. I soon ceased to suppose that I would ever reassemble the whole of my former self, but I could collect enough chunks and pieces to get me by – as I have.

Such surgery, so noncommonsensical, so contradictory to the normal rules of survival, is truly Faustian. You get to live, perhaps as long as you want to, only not as yourself – never as yourself.

Cat is always cat…

Jun. 10th, 2026 10:45 pm
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[personal profile] katriona_s
There is the water tap and basin just outside of my window, and I always put a bucket full of clean water there, for the garden cats. They usually drink water from the bucket. Though some days ago I saw one of the garden cats drunk water from the ricefish basin XD. The water in it does not clean enough so I could not understand why she chose it :(


Feline Differential Diagnosis

Jun. 9th, 2026 08:19 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera


Quite the lovely day, yesterday. I spent a good chunk of it in the garden, where I have a long list of projects that never quite get finished because the Numbah One priority is weeding and the weeds grow so fuckin' fast! Yesterday, though, I was able to stay four hours, so in addition to weeding & watering, I got the pink dahlias in and trained the pea plants to climb the fence.

One of my cucumber plants didn't make it, so I replanted. (I never have much luck with cucumbers.)

The bell pepper plants are already fruiting, which cannot be good.

Ditto one of the Roma tomatoes.

More wood chips came in, so when I go tomorrow, I'm gonna put cardboard down on the paths (to kill the weeds) and then strew wood chips on top of them. That will be a lot of work.



Other than that...

The Schlock luncheon turned out to be more fun than I imagined it would be. The Montgomery crew are actually a nice group of people. It was the Middletown office that drove me batty.

And then when I got home, there was an Incident with Mabel. A CATastrophe, you might say. (Yuk, yuk, yuk.)

Mabel somehow got stuck in a polyethelene shopping bag and took off racing up and down the stairs for five minutes straight (poor frightened little beast) before finally settling in the deepest darkest recess under the fainting couch. Very difficult to reach, but I had to because the only way I could figure she'd get stuck in a bag is if the bag's handles were around her neck—which meant she was at high risk for strangling herself.

Somehow I managed to reach in and cut the damn thing off her—my hands are covered with small scratches this morning.

Then for another three hours, I kept popping under to do neuro checks on her eyes while she hissed & batted at me. Were her pupils equal & reactive? I mean, cat's eyes are so different from human eyes. Would neuro checks even be a part of feline differential diagnosis?

But she's fine now, though it took her several hours to settle down.

comix64: a monitor displaying a linux boot log in a dark room (technologik)
[personal profile] comix64
i have come to realize the only good Linux distros are community ones. the ones run by corporations all suck for various reasons. Bazzite runs a web server 24/7 with documentation you can't turn off that is just a mirror of what's already available on their site (and is immutable. ugggghhhhh i hate immutable OSes. i should NOT have installed this), Ubuntu puts ads in various parts of the OS, SteamOS, oh man, don't get me started on SteamOS. they're all pretty good, but i, from now on, am probably going to try my best not to use any corporate OSes. i'll stick to Arch and Debian. all the communities are amazing.

i rechecked the status of the KDE Oxygen remake, and i found out that:
I. there is a new Oxygen Dark theme, and it looks amazing!
II. they're almost done!
III. you can just drag and drop Plasma Look-and-Feel folders into your own install and they work without needing to compile them!
IV. i dunno if i ever mentioned this, but my taskbar theme got fucked up at some point, but dragging in the bleeding-edge version of Oxygen makes it look normal again!
V. the new Oxygen Dark color scheme relies heavily on the accent color picker, and it looks awesome! (Dolphin file browser in RGB)

so, today was a great day for my love of skeuomorphic frutiger aero UI stuffs. my computer looks really good now!

sad 90s songs.

Jun. 8th, 2026 10:10 am
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[personal profile] serafaery
It's funny how some songs just sort of creep into the cell structure of my being. I could not imagine existence without this song interwoven into my body. It's not a favorite or anything, but it is indispensable, if that makes sense. Everything would be different if we didn't have it.



Grateful to live in the same timeline as Thom Yorke.

(Showing my age just a touch here lol.)
comix64: a monitor displaying a linux boot log in a dark room (technologik)
[personal profile] comix64
i finished Project Hail Mary. it was awesome! afterward i went to Panera and i had some nice soup-inna-bread-bowl and when i came back someone had downloaded Bull of Heaven's Even to the Edge of Doom from me. it took 8 minutes. for reference, Even to the Edge of Doom is basically 24 hours of the same noise over and over again. and, also for reference, most people who download stuff from me finish downloading an entire album's worth of music in about 2 minutes. i dont know why i keep it in my library, i rarely listen to it. but someone decided to download it from me, and it took 8 minutes, and that track is about 1GB, and im kind of pissed. that's 1GB i could use for other stuff. i have a quota, man! there are faster and more reliable means of getting that track. i got it off of the internet archive and it took like half a minute and it was a zip file and so it took like 5 MB or something. i don't know why i keep that track. ugh! but, uh, anyway, Project Hail Mary is a really good novel. i plan to watch the movie soon. not really any notes there. probably gonna delete the track. i would just set it to private in my Soulseek settings, but i would then have to have a share for each artist folder, since i can't just tell it "yo yo yo dont send people this track" i have to tell it not to share a specific share which right now i have one share for my entire music folder. that sucks.

skirt

Jun. 8th, 2026 12:47 pm
katriona_s: (daily life)
[personal profile] katriona_s
Recently I bought a blue flared skirt. And noticed, it's really after a while I bought a skirt, for usually I wear a pair of trousers especially when I go to the office. So I felt a bit - new, when I wore it on the next day XD






What I found first was that I felt a bit cold :( then, that I had to be a bit careful, to hold down the skirt to walk up or down the stairs. And I was a bit surprised about I had forgotten those things. How long had I not worn skirt?
quotidians: a comic-style drawing of french poet arthur rimbaud. (Default)
[personal profile] quotidians
I have had this book lying on my nightstand for months, occasionally turning it over in my hands. Its contents are exhilarating. Everything I love about places tightly bound into this little white book with cardstock covers.


When a man rides a long time through wild regions he feels the desire for a city. Finally he comes to Isidora, a city where the buildings have spiral staircases encrusted with spiral seashells, where perfect telescopes and violins are made, where the foreigner hesitating between two women always encounters a third, where cockfights degenerate into bloody brawls among the bettors. He was thinking of all these things when he desired a city. Isidora, therefore, is the city of his dreams: with one difference. The dreamed-of city contained him as a young man; he arrives at Isidora in his old age. In the square there is the wall where the old men sit and watch the young go by; he is seated in a row with them. Desires are already memories.


You do not come to Euphemia only to buy and sell. but also because at night. by the fires all around the market, seated on sacks or barrels or stretched out on piles of carpets, at each word that one man says--such as "wolf," "sister," "hidden treasure," "battle," "scabies," "lovers"--the others tell, each one, his tale of wolves, sisters. treasures. scabies, lovers, battles. And you know that in the long journey ahead of you, when to keep awake against the camel's swaying or the junk's rocking. you start summoning up your memories one by one, your wolf will have become another wolf, your sister a different sister, your battle other battles, on your return from Euphemia, the city where memory is traded at every solstice and at every equinox


The city's gods, according to some people, live in the depths, in the black lake that feeds the underground streams. According to others, the gods live in the buckets that rise, suspended from a cable, as they appear over the edge of the wells, in the revolving pulleys, in the windlasses of the norias, in the pump handles. in the blades of the windmills that draw the water up from the drillings, in the trestles that support the twisting probes, in the reservoirs perched on stilts over the roofs. in the slender arches of the aqueducts, in all the columns of water, the vertical pipes, the plungers, the drains, all the way up to the weathercocks that surmount the airy scaffoldings of Isaura, a city that moves entirely upward.


"And yet I have constructed in my mind a model city from which all possible cities can be deduced," Kublai said. "It contains everything corresponding to the norm. Since the cities that exist diverge in varying degree from the norm, I need only foresee the exceptions to the norm and calculate the most probable combinations."

"I have also thought of a model city from which I deduce all the others," Marco answered. "It is a city made only of exceptions, exclusions, incongruities, contradictions. If such a city is the most improbable, by reducing the number of abnormal elements, we increase the probability that the city really exists. So I have only to subtract exceptions from my model, and in whatever direction I proceed, I will arrive at one of the cities which, always as an exception, exist. But I cannot force my operation beyond a certain limit: I would achieve cities too probable to be real."
mallorys_camera: (Default)
[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Whaddiya know. The cheap weed wacker did exactly what I needed it to do once I reassembled it so the retaining cap didn't keep falling off.

Of course, the feature I really wanted—six little green men who crawl out of the box, fall to their knees, and begin weeding out stumps and roots—was not available. That still needs to be a by-hand shovel job. Hey! You get what you pay for.

###

The kiskas are hating heavily on each other this morning. They spend about 30% of their time grooming each other and 40% hissing and batting at one another. (The other 30% they spend sleeping obliviously on opposite corners of the Patrizia-torium.) But this morning, they were going after each other tooth and nail with such fury, I had to get out the spray bottle.

What set them off, I wonder?

Mabel was so pissed off about something that she actually woke me up around 5—leaving me under-rested for the Schlock alumni luncheon that I have somehow agreed to go to later today.

When I went downstairs, I found the front door wide open.

This is another one of the peculiarities of the House of Icky: The front door does not stay closed when it's windy out.

Fortunately, the house is in a remote rural area. Unless a serial killer has recently escaped from one of the local prisons, an open front door is unlikely to endanger me.

However! Molly likes to think of herself as an indoor-outdoor cat, and I have found her wandering outside a couple of times after the door has blown open. That is worrisome because if a hawk will go after a chicken, it will also go after a cat.

Did Molly wander outside last night?

Did Mabel wake me up to tattle on her?

###

Chatted a little with Ichabod last night.

Realized that while I was quite good at keeping myself occupied and productive when I lived on the other side of the river, I am miserable at it here. Though I did try when I first moved here.

Really not much I can do about that: It is the place; it is not me.

But, of course, it feels as though it's me.

I'm part of an epidemic! Isolated senior citizens.

If I were more of an egomaniac, the Work in Progress would sustain me. I would think of this isolation as a kind of literary retreat and funnel all of my energy into words.

But my ego is simply not strong enough for that kind of role-play game. Yes, the words are important. To me. But I have no idea if they'll ever be important to anyone else, and I need involvement in stuff that is important to everyone else to round out my resume as a Real Human Girl.

Anyway.

I'll book the Michigan trip today.

If that doesn't work out... It's Ithaca.

One way or another, I need to start thinking about packing and moving logistics (ugh).

I was thinking I might hire Sarah to help me pack. Sarah is the sweet, over-burdened single mother who appalled me that one time at Schlock by dressing so the crack of her ass showed when she sat with a client. (She was actually a reasonably competent tax preparer.) I am probably going to need someone to help me pack. I'm really going to that luncheon today to get her contact info.

Leaf arrangement

Jun. 7th, 2026 01:27 pm
katriona_s: (daily life)
[personal profile] katriona_s
At the end of May, I put the twig of Japanese dogwood with flowers in a simple flower vase. I always like the simple elegance of these flowers :)





But now those flowers are gone, there are little flowers in our garden, at least the ones I can pick and put in the vase. So now I try to enjoy leaf arrangement - not flower arrangement XD I also like choosing the suitable leaves and twigs :D




Twig of rhodotypos(jetbead).




Young leaves of hosta.



Small twigs of Japanese witch-hazel.


And, it's amazing that how the colours and shapes of these leaves are different... Really, this world is full of small beautiful things!

Dufur, Oregon bound.

Jun. 6th, 2026 08:27 am
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[personal profile] serafaery
Trying to get ready for a little lookout tower trip, been dragging my feet all morning. It's just one night and I realized I am dreading it because a) my foot and back hurt so much and b) last lookout tower trip ended so badly. But this won't be hard - Josh will be there, I don't have to do silks, all I have to do is walk slowly in the woods looking for mushrooms. I already made all the food, I just have to pack it. We can also eat in town, the town close to it is a tiny little depressed fruit town with spectacular views and rolling hills and it's sooooooo adorable, I've gone their twice to view comets as they have very dark skies. They have an ice cream shop and a darling quaint little historic hotel that serves brunch - I've never been there but I hear it's lovely and I hope I can get the boys to go.

I just am in a lot of pain and need an easy gentle couple of days.

It just sucks that I used to love these outings so much, and now I am afraid of them. I hope I can pull out of this. I realized last night I've been eating poorly again and withdrawing and cocooning and it's not serving me. I skipped my stretches entirely yesterday and I'm so mad at myself because I'm in so much pain now and I could have avoided it with just the bare minimum of effort, but I just didn't have it? Frustrating. I used to be so disciplined, I used to be able to push through discomfort, I am so out of practice and it's such an uphill battle to rebuild.

One small step at a time. It's the only way I've ever gotten anywhere.

Today is a new day and I get to try again. So lucky and grateful for that.

Dufur's catch phrase (pronounced DOO-fer) for the city is, "What can we Dufur you?" lol.

Minders

Jun. 6th, 2026 07:41 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
The knee brace is helping. Maybe.

The weed wacker is useless. Probably. The weeds I need to wack are thick and tall, and this is a very low-end piece of equipment, designed primarily to edge lawns. It would cost around $400 to buy a piece of equipment specifically designed for taking out weeds like mine, and I ain't blowing that kind of money on a weed wacker.

I got to the garden around 11 yesterday. It was already 82°, so I only lasted 20 minutes or so. The older I get, the less I can stand up to heat. I remember biking around Sicily with my first husband before Ichabod was born; we would routinely bike 100 miles a day in 100° heat. How did I manage to do that?

Anyway, I took the weed wacker to some weeds, and it promptly fell apart.

It was wayyyyy too hot to continue weeding by hand.

So, I went home and watched YouTube videos—had I put it together the right way when I was assembling the damn thing? I have no intuition whatsoever when it comes to mechanical stuff. Was I using it the right way?

No one recommends using it for heavy weeds!

But if you must use it for heavy weeds, then you should tackle them from the top down.

Which, of course, I hadn't been doing.

But which I will shortly attempt to do today when I toddle out to the garden at 8.

If that doesn't work, I'll return the damn thing.

###

My weed wacker misadventures made me feel very pathetic.

Honestly, I wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry.

Why don't I have someone in my life who can do this kind of shit for me?

Because you don't! snapped the small, still voice within, which tends to get angry whenever I wallow in self-pity. And nobody wants to watch a 74-year-old lady cry. Particularly not the 74-year-old lady herself.

I was discussing the details of my July trip with Tom and mentioned the BoyZ were coming round to why I might want to move: "Their big objection is around the potential for physical decrepitude!!! 'What if you need help?'

"I explained it thusly: 'Well, I'm pretty sure Tom would be willing to drive me to the cataract doctor & pretty sure he wouldn't be willing to give me a bed bath if I went into a coma on his couch.'"

Tom laughed. "Did you tell the boys I'm a simple midwesterner with no serial killer tendencies and that I keep my sexual predation to a minimum around roomies? I haven't broached anything with Zoe and Rudy - they are used to me just springing things on them. But they'll be fine and have the same questions the boys do. I think Zoe will be a little relieved that someone will be around keeping an eye on me. She believes I need a minder."

A minder!

Yes, that's exactly it.

Someone who tracks you. Someone who is noticing the small victories & defeats of your day-by-day.

the external world

Jun. 6th, 2026 12:20 am
quotidians: a comic-style drawing of french poet arthur rimbaud. (Default)
[personal profile] quotidians
The world is really beautiful, and it's a shame I don't stop to notice it more. Slightly over a month ago I was on the 99 B-Line with my friends after a trivia competition. We were all going to Ari's house for dinner. The Maginot Line was standing opposite me, and I regaled him with stories about my great grandfather (a man I have never met) who was purportedly a stretcher bearer, fighting bandits in the Chinese countryside. What I remember now wasn't the stories or the laughter but the way the light shone on each of our faces and reflected off our shirts. Thinking about it now, it reminds me of this passage from The Temple of the Golden Pavilion.

His white-shirted stomach rippled with laughter. The rays of the sun that poured through the swaying branches of the trees made me feel happy. Like the young man's wrinkled shirt, my life was wrinkled. But, wrinkled as it was, how white his shirt shone in the sunlight? Perhaps I too?

I've been to quite a few places and I think the idea that globetrotting inherently enriches a person is bullshit. Some of the richest minds in history lived and died in the same country, a few of them with a near-zero net displacement. In contrast, the average cruise ship passenger is doing nothing except getting fat and complacent in the sun. What does anyone have to show for their travels? It's pretty corny, but you really do bring yourself everywhere you go. What you get from the physical world really depends on you and nothing else. Besides, how do I separate the gold from the shit? As far as I'm aware there could be gold in everything, but I see it more in self-denial and the mundane than in indulgence. There's already too much to indulge in now. I have the world at my fingertips and I do nothing with it. I've never hated anything like I hate the algorithmic feed, all this meaningless discourse and cheap simulacra. I can only liken it to schapism, being trapped between two boats and fed milk and honey until you're festering and stewing in shit and insects. I want to be a sort of hunger artist. I want out from all the noise. I want absolute concentration for so long that I forget time. I want to see Platonic solids in a child's toy. I want to look people in the eye without being blinded by the sun.
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Multiple errands took me to the other side of the river yesterday—which I like so much more than this side of the river. I have fond memories of living in the sleepy little town of Hyde Park. The local cottage industry is Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

Though that may be changing. Hyde Park is also the home of the Culinary Institute of America, which has become pretty famous with the rise of food content programming across streaming networks. No fewer than three enormous resort-style hotels are going up in Hyde Park, all scheduled to open in the next three years. I can't help thinking that those investors misread the economic signals: Is anyone gonna want to blow five grand on a luxury vacation in fuckin' Hyde Park, NY, in three years? Is anyone gonna have five grand to blow on a luxury vacation anywhere in three years? I mean, apart from the one-percenters?

But I've been plenty wrong about those things before.

###

Among the useful things I bought yesterday were a knee brace and a weed wacker. I'm trying both of them out today.

I went across the river to have a fasting blood sugar drawn—so maybe that's why I felt so weak while I was shopping. I ate a banana, but honestly, I thought I might collapse at Home Depot. Of course, Home Depot—this cavernous warehouse with weak flurescent lighting, no air conditioning, and aisles and aisles and aisles of machinery and building materials—is one of my least favorite places in the world, so maybe that played into it.

Anyway, when I got home, I more-or-less collapsed. Yes, idleness is bad. But sometimes...

Rewatched Ghost World, which continues to be a brilliant movie.

That bus Norman waits for throughout the film. That finally comes for him at the end of the film, even though Enid knows the route was discontinued more than two years ago.

The bus is analogous to the symbol of the door in the wall in H.G. Wells' story of the same name. It's a story that's been a great favorite of mine since childhood. The door in the wall is what's in modern parlance called a portal. Ah! But a portal to where?

Is the bus a modern parallel to the mythological ferry over the River Styx? When Enid finally boards it at the end of the film, is this a code for her suicide? Is it a metaphor for the end of childhood? Or is it just a weird thing in a movie filled with weird things?

I still get goosebumps at that throwaway flash of a scene when Norman actually gets on the bus.

Shakuyaku - Chinese peony

Jun. 5th, 2026 09:54 pm
katriona_s: (mikebo)
[personal profile] katriona_s
Yesterday after work I ate out with a friend and came home rather late. And when I opened the entrance door I was surprised to see these beautiful flowers of Shakuyaku, Chinese peony.





Mother had been to a short trip to some countryside, there the local people gave them to the visitors (so mother had not bought these flowers, just got them). How generous! And mother and her friends had brought the flower back home safely - this is something, because it's about 4 hour train travel XD Anyway, I don't know the reason why the local people had given such nice flowers to the visitors, it's great to have them at home :)
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