Mental Health
Jun. 13th, 2026 09:49 amYesterday was not a good mental health day.
Icky, in residence till Tuesday, has not said one word about Black Chicken's death. In fact, has barely said four words to me. It's very hard to share physical space in a house with someone who acts like you're invisible, even when said someone is a complete dick. I keep scampering off to the mirror to check: Do I exist? If I cast a reflection, I must exist, right?
Fortunately, I am spending today and tomorrow with People Who Love Me. And driving up to Ithaca some time this week to drop off Brian's enormous collection of camping gear with RTT.
###
Bad mental health for me always comes down to that small still voice within suddenly turning shrill and chanting, Failure, failure, failure! The small still voice may not be entirely wrong on that one: I have failed utterly in being happy, can't think of a single time in my life when I was simply, uncompromisingly happy.
That's on my upbringing.
But that is not what the small still voice is talking about.
No, the small still voice means I am low income, I have not published a novel (have published a lot of other stuff! I feel compelled to note here), have a broken dental veneer, am living in an awful place where I barely know a soul, and am generally not someone Elon Musk would want to impregnate.
It's a lot.
###
On the plus side:
Ten days or so of hot temperatures that kept me more or less housebound and immobile means my injured knee has all but recovered.
And I have finally found a book I enjoy: A.S. Byatt's The Children's Book, about an eccentric E. Nesbit-like writer of magic tales for children in the early 20th century and her Bloomsbury-like coterie.
I have never been a big Byatt fan. There is an icy feeling to her perfect prose that has always put me off. I much prefer the gurgly chick-lit effusions of her sister, Margaret Drabble. But I am enjoying this book.
###
Funny. Yesterday, I kept thinking I would feel so much better if there was even one person I could call up and say, "Black Chicken died, and my heart is broken," who would understand—
And the only two people I could think of were Brian and (ulp) Ben. Who are both dead themselves.
Icky, in residence till Tuesday, has not said one word about Black Chicken's death. In fact, has barely said four words to me. It's very hard to share physical space in a house with someone who acts like you're invisible, even when said someone is a complete dick. I keep scampering off to the mirror to check: Do I exist? If I cast a reflection, I must exist, right?
Fortunately, I am spending today and tomorrow with People Who Love Me. And driving up to Ithaca some time this week to drop off Brian's enormous collection of camping gear with RTT.
###
Bad mental health for me always comes down to that small still voice within suddenly turning shrill and chanting, Failure, failure, failure! The small still voice may not be entirely wrong on that one: I have failed utterly in being happy, can't think of a single time in my life when I was simply, uncompromisingly happy.
That's on my upbringing.
But that is not what the small still voice is talking about.
No, the small still voice means I am low income, I have not published a novel (have published a lot of other stuff! I feel compelled to note here), have a broken dental veneer, am living in an awful place where I barely know a soul, and am generally not someone Elon Musk would want to impregnate.
It's a lot.
###
On the plus side:
Ten days or so of hot temperatures that kept me more or less housebound and immobile means my injured knee has all but recovered.
And I have finally found a book I enjoy: A.S. Byatt's The Children's Book, about an eccentric E. Nesbit-like writer of magic tales for children in the early 20th century and her Bloomsbury-like coterie.
I have never been a big Byatt fan. There is an icy feeling to her perfect prose that has always put me off. I much prefer the gurgly chick-lit effusions of her sister, Margaret Drabble. But I am enjoying this book.
###
Funny. Yesterday, I kept thinking I would feel so much better if there was even one person I could call up and say, "Black Chicken died, and my heart is broken," who would understand—
And the only two people I could think of were Brian and (ulp) Ben. Who are both dead themselves.












