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What does it mean...
Mar. 9th, 2025 07:33 am...to be a woman?
Honestly, this is a question that has been scooting around in my noggin for a fair while now, and frankly, I am no closer to an answer.
Most of the things that sprung to mind had absolutely nothing to do with being a woman - they were realities that have been imposed on me for the simple reason that I don't have any danglies. What on earth am I talking about? Well, from the earliest memories of the school playing fields, when it was announced that they would start playing rugby at my primary school....Except, when I went to put my hand up it was "no, dear...not you, this is for the boys". Netball was the preserve of the girls, and absolutely no boys were allowed. I thought it odd back then, but hey, who listens to the questions of a six year old? As I grew up, it was learning what I shouldn't wear, in case I gave boys the "wrong impression". Then it was how to make sure I didn't make myself unattractive to boys by being outspoken and having an opinion that might clash. Then it was how to carry my car keys so that should it be necessary, I could defend myself from the predations of...you guessed it....a man.
Absolutely NONE of these things are anything to do with what it means to BE a woman - it's just some of the crap we've had to put up with for generations. It's less so now, in the area of being allowed to speak up and have opinions, for example, but it's definitely not gone yet.
So, what else? The ability to bear children? ANNNNNND our survey says "Nu-nerrrr". That's just something mammals do, same with the whole breastfeeding thing. And since I don't have kids, wouldn't that mean I wasn't a woman if either of those things were in the slightest bit important? Besides which, the former does rather require the input (fnar fnar) of a man at some point in the process. Pathenogenesis may well have been seen in turkeys, but not humans as far as I am aware...and if it ever has, then it makes the only reported instance of it even more miraculous that Mary had a little boy!
Right, so all that is out...then...what on earth do we mean when we say woman? Female adult? Okay, so...female, let's go with the biological sex being usually one of two options - XX, XY. Yes, there are DOZENS of other options to pick from - if you're not aware of that, then might I consider even GCSE Biology where you'll learn it is broader than those binary choices and can be affected by a bunch of other gene expressions as to which bits grow and develop or not as the case may be...so that's not going to work.
Then...adult. Okay, so adult is used as more of a legal and cultural terminology, but you could argue that it means that you are of an age to reproduce. Which is fine...except...what if you are not capable of reproduction? Are you then not an adult?
See? It's all terribly messy and terribly complicated. If I, being a woman (apparently anyway) can't define what it means, should I expect to be able to define what a man is? I think I'll have even more trouble there, to be honest.
All of it always seems to come back to one thing though - the artificial construct of gender.
What do I mean by that?
Big boys don't cry.
Nice girls don't say that sort of thing.
Man up.
You throw like a girl
Why are you dressed like a bloke?
Long hair is better on girls.
I mean this sort of rubbish. I mean the roles and responsibilities, the rules of appearance and the ludicrous idea of capabilities being fixed to one artificially constructed society role more than the other.
I'm still wondering what it means, but I've come to the conclusion that it probably doesn't actually *mean* anything at all. It's just something that is. I don't have to think about it too much in the same way that I don't need to think about breathing. The fact that I would be just as useless as defining what it means to be a man is quite telling - you would imagine I'd know what at least one of the options was.
And if it doesn't actually *mean* anything, and what we're actually talking about is more gender expression, and if gender expression is a fluid thing which changes with passing ages and fashions (yes, let's not forget that high heels, wigs, and make up were once the preserve of men, eh?), then....what the hell does any of it matter? Why the need for the hate spewed, just because someone steps out of the currently-agreed swimlane?
I can put money on one of the reasons that the TERFs particularly are so rabid. It's not hard to find a woman who has suffered mental or physical abuse at the hands of a man - or men. Throw a rock and you'll probably hit three of us without trying. But that is where women separate. Some of us make it our entire personality and allow it to colour everything, to wreck any chance at future happiness. Others of us roll up our sleeves, shrug, and decide that no bastard is going to ruin the rest of our lives, thankyouverymuch, and we'll just get on with it.
It's what you choose to carry in your heart that defines you, and not what you carry in your knickers. And it's about being human. I think we can all agree generally speaking, we are all human.
Honestly, this is a question that has been scooting around in my noggin for a fair while now, and frankly, I am no closer to an answer.
Most of the things that sprung to mind had absolutely nothing to do with being a woman - they were realities that have been imposed on me for the simple reason that I don't have any danglies. What on earth am I talking about? Well, from the earliest memories of the school playing fields, when it was announced that they would start playing rugby at my primary school....Except, when I went to put my hand up it was "no, dear...not you, this is for the boys". Netball was the preserve of the girls, and absolutely no boys were allowed. I thought it odd back then, but hey, who listens to the questions of a six year old? As I grew up, it was learning what I shouldn't wear, in case I gave boys the "wrong impression". Then it was how to make sure I didn't make myself unattractive to boys by being outspoken and having an opinion that might clash. Then it was how to carry my car keys so that should it be necessary, I could defend myself from the predations of...you guessed it....a man.
Absolutely NONE of these things are anything to do with what it means to BE a woman - it's just some of the crap we've had to put up with for generations. It's less so now, in the area of being allowed to speak up and have opinions, for example, but it's definitely not gone yet.
So, what else? The ability to bear children? ANNNNNND our survey says "Nu-nerrrr". That's just something mammals do, same with the whole breastfeeding thing. And since I don't have kids, wouldn't that mean I wasn't a woman if either of those things were in the slightest bit important? Besides which, the former does rather require the input (fnar fnar) of a man at some point in the process. Pathenogenesis may well have been seen in turkeys, but not humans as far as I am aware...and if it ever has, then it makes the only reported instance of it even more miraculous that Mary had a little boy!
Right, so all that is out...then...what on earth do we mean when we say woman? Female adult? Okay, so...female, let's go with the biological sex being usually one of two options - XX, XY. Yes, there are DOZENS of other options to pick from - if you're not aware of that, then might I consider even GCSE Biology where you'll learn it is broader than those binary choices and can be affected by a bunch of other gene expressions as to which bits grow and develop or not as the case may be...so that's not going to work.
Then...adult. Okay, so adult is used as more of a legal and cultural terminology, but you could argue that it means that you are of an age to reproduce. Which is fine...except...what if you are not capable of reproduction? Are you then not an adult?
See? It's all terribly messy and terribly complicated. If I, being a woman (apparently anyway) can't define what it means, should I expect to be able to define what a man is? I think I'll have even more trouble there, to be honest.
All of it always seems to come back to one thing though - the artificial construct of gender.
What do I mean by that?
Big boys don't cry.
Nice girls don't say that sort of thing.
Man up.
You throw like a girl
Why are you dressed like a bloke?
Long hair is better on girls.
I mean this sort of rubbish. I mean the roles and responsibilities, the rules of appearance and the ludicrous idea of capabilities being fixed to one artificially constructed society role more than the other.
I'm still wondering what it means, but I've come to the conclusion that it probably doesn't actually *mean* anything at all. It's just something that is. I don't have to think about it too much in the same way that I don't need to think about breathing. The fact that I would be just as useless as defining what it means to be a man is quite telling - you would imagine I'd know what at least one of the options was.
And if it doesn't actually *mean* anything, and what we're actually talking about is more gender expression, and if gender expression is a fluid thing which changes with passing ages and fashions (yes, let's not forget that high heels, wigs, and make up were once the preserve of men, eh?), then....what the hell does any of it matter? Why the need for the hate spewed, just because someone steps out of the currently-agreed swimlane?
I can put money on one of the reasons that the TERFs particularly are so rabid. It's not hard to find a woman who has suffered mental or physical abuse at the hands of a man - or men. Throw a rock and you'll probably hit three of us without trying. But that is where women separate. Some of us make it our entire personality and allow it to colour everything, to wreck any chance at future happiness. Others of us roll up our sleeves, shrug, and decide that no bastard is going to ruin the rest of our lives, thankyouverymuch, and we'll just get on with it.
It's what you choose to carry in your heart that defines you, and not what you carry in your knickers. And it's about being human. I think we can all agree generally speaking, we are all human.